A sickening knot ties itself in my
stomach. I inhale, I exhale, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference; it’s
just as if I didn’t breathe at all. I
feel the starting of a dull ache in my head. I’m stressed, I’m afraid, and I
know that I can’t do it.
The closer I get to graduation, the
more afraid I become. I’m afraid because I don’t know what to expect, I’m afraid
because I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to try because I’m afraid to fail,
and I’m afraid I’ll be unhappy. It becomes easier to just sit back and hide
from the world and try to escape to a place where fear doesn’t exist. It’s
easier to stop moving forward.
The debilitating power of fear is
one of the strongest forces on earth. Relationships are destroyed, dreams are
never realized, and kingdoms fall all because of fear. Nothing makes a task
more difficult to accomplish or a goal harder to reach than the gut-wrenching
feeling that you can’t do it. Maybe you’re afraid is because you are trying
something new that you don’t feel prepared to face, maybe you are afraid
because it’s something you’ve failed at before, or maybe you are afraid that
you aren’t up to the task simply because you believe you aren’t enough. The
motivations are varied, but the effect is the same. Fear makes a difficult task
impossible. As long as you allow your fear to rule your decisions, you are
destined to fail. And it’s true; I would fail if I didn’t know one simple
truth.
Faith is stronger than fear.
Faith has the power to calm any
heart and soothe any soul. Faith is strong enough to wipe out all fear. “If ye have faith ye hope for things which are
not seen, which are true.” Alma 32:21. I don’t have faith that I will land my
dream job and all of a sudden my life will be perfect. I don’t have faith that
my problems will be simple and easy to solve. I can hope for these things, but
because they aren’t necessarily truth, that’s not faith. Knowing that God is in
control, he loves me, and as I strive to align my will with his, I will find
happiness, is faith. As I have faith, I know that my life will not be easy. I
know that I won’t always succeed. But I
also know that as I do my best and I trust in the Lord I will be happy.
I feel myself start to calm down. I
inhale, I exhale, and I feel my heart rate slow down. My head still hurts, but I
know soon that will fade. I’m still stressed, I feel pretty nervous, and I know
that I can do it.
